Asleep… tired… or it malingers

I Should Have Been a Pair of Ragged Claws

Do you ever feel like you don’t know which leg of your pants you usually slide into first? I mean that in more than one way. To start, who am I normally? Am I doing okay? Am I accomplishing enough?

I love T.S. Eliot. He said it best in the “Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.” Because I feel so overwhelmed that I am literally afraid to go left or right at this intersection. Should I wait? Someone behind me is honking her horn at me - DECIDE NOW! It’s a rather long poem & if you have the inclination & the time, give it a read. I believe Eliot is my favorite poet. Here’s a part of it & I feel it right now.

“And indeed there will be time

For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,

Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;

There will be time, there will be time

To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;

There will be time to m__r and create,

And time for all the works and days of hands

That lift and drop a question on your plate;

Time for you and time for me,

And time yet for a hundred indecisions,

And for a hundred visions and revisions,

Before the taking of a toast and tea.”

My home and shop will be on the market soon. I’ll be moving back to my home state to be closer to my oldest, who worries about me being so far away at what we like to call, an advanced age. Advanced age. I’m in the Advanced Class. Look at me. That means I’m smarter than the rest. I’m more talented than the rest. Um, no… I’m merely greyer than the rest I suppose, since I can’t claim a deep wisdom. I’ll leave it to the rest to decide if I’m smart or talented.

I feel overwhelmed about this move. I have SO MANY DECISIONS TO MAKE. I have to spend so much money to get it done. I have to do SO much work on my own. Now, I’m not really afraid of work - spiders, yes - but, not work. Why am I *tharn when it comes to this move??

It’s not all uphill. Here is a list of recent accomplishments toward the move:

Stone drive facade in front of my workshop, including my neighbor’s spaces.

Paint prepping of my bathroom floor (to be completed with an adorable design coming soon).

Redesign of my downstairs powder room sink.

Recycling of my ‘decor recycling’ that I won’t be able to complete before the move.

Acquisition of a storage space - EEK! But, I’m going to need a different one that is closer. :(

Purchased a power washer that is reasonable for ME to use (a girly one).

Washed the mildew off the north-facing back of the house.

Cleaned out my front garden and trimmed the bushes. (My kind neighbor filled it with red gravel.)

Bought and arranged cute little planters everywhere.

Called two separate movers for potential help.

I need to start and finish two client restorations NOW & I need to answer to the real estate agent who is trying to keep me from running amok. I added a few photos of my accomplishments and hope there are more to come. I don’t feel so alone when I can share this aloud with you, so thank you for reading this anxiety overflow!

*See “Watership Down” for word assocation.